Watch this space. . .

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Friday, April 2, 2004
(10:47 am)

Okay, so I missed April Fool's Day this year. I had a good one planned for you, but decided to err on the side of not going to a Federal detention camp for an undetermined amount of time. Maybe if Kerry gets elected this fall you'll see it next year (I'm counting on your having forgotten about it by then).

Quote of the Day: "Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding." -- Albert Einstein

To start the month, here's a bit of recycling: a collage I first put up here on March 23 of this year, a few short days ago. I've since added a few things, tweaked the color and renamed it.

Collage on rag mat board. (19.3 cm X 24.4 cm)

I dreamed we packed up a U-Haul truck and moved, lock, stock, and barrel, to California. We were moving from a residence I've lived in for years in my dreams, but never in real life. I think it's put together out of various bits of different houses and apartments I've lived in throughout my life plus some houses we've looked at and passed on renting. I almost wish we could buy a house somewhere quiet. I really wish we had a mid-sized RV and a post office box to collect our mail, a satellite or cell internet connection, plenty of gas money, and no agenda.

(7:16 pm)

I got a couple nasty entries in my Guest book, probably via the comments button on one or the other of my archived web pages. I've narrowed it down to the page but not what the comment pertained to. At any rate I discovered that the comments buttons on the majority of the archived pages did not offer the choice to send an e-mail or sign the guest book and did not offer the concomitant information that one should give a reference as to what one is commenting on. I have gone back and corrected that. The comments buttons on all the archived pages should function properly now.

Thanks for your support.

Bonus Quote of the Day: "Mankind must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression, and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love." -- Martin Luther King

W. was in Huntington today for an invitation only speech (not a campaign stop. . . riiiiight). The NeoCon brownshirts were out screeching for four more years. There were a larger number of protestors across the street chanting "Bush Must Go!" I side with the latter. If fact, I'd originally planned on being there with them.

Last night was another sleepless night. I've cat napped for about a total of an hour in the last 36 hours. One thing did come of it, though. In a fairly constant state between waking and sleep, I've come to realize that my "dream world" really is an alternate universe, replete with its own coherent geography. I was able to stitch together several recurring scenes from my dreams since childhood and see the connections among them, connections that I had not realized until now. It's a vast and complicated place and I'm beginning to remember long-forgotten and never-remembered dreams as a result of it. Some pretty interesting unconscious things going on here.

Sunday, April 4, 2004
(11:58 pm)

Whew! Barely made it. . . It's still today. Daylight Savings Time screws me up every time!

Quote of the Day: "The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking." -- Albert Einstein

Monday, April 5, 2004
(11:29 pm)

One thing I'm really going to miss when we move is going into the darkened library/sunporch at night and seeing the magnificent capitol dome lit up against an inky sky. Sigh. . .

Quote of the Day: "Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school." -- Albert Einstein

Today I tried to collect my e-mail and I couldn't get online. So, I checked with my browser and it wouldn't work either. I tried to poll my cable modem and I couldn't even do that. Time to call Charter Cable. After about an hour on the phone the techie decided it was either my NIC or the cable leading from it to the modem. I went out and bought both. When I got home, I had mail and everything was working fine. Now I have to go return the goods tomorrow. Piss me off!

Tuesday, April 6, 2004
(11:22 pm)

Today was interesting. Talked to a lawyer. I have an appointment tomorrow at two. Took the NIC & cable back. Went out to dinner. I forgot to take my Celebrex and vitamins at noon, so this evening I'm hurting pretty bad, but I'm afraid to take a pain pill for fear I will start itching and won't be able to sleep. Worked a little in my sketch book.

Quote of the Day: "If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut." -- Albert Einstein

Wednesday, April 7, 2004
(9:32 am)

Today is "No Housework Day." And how is that different from every other day?

Quote of the Day: "The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing." -- Albert Einstein

I got married in 1980. In 1980 there were over 11,000 chemical industry jobs in this area. The population of Charleston was over 85,000 and rising. Ronald Reagan got elected in 1980. Since then, it's pretty much been a Republican/Global Economy show. Now we have fewer than 2,500 chemical industry jobs in this area. The population of our fair capital city is under 55,000. Most of the retail business has been thrown over to chain stores in strip malls on the fringes of the city. The local flavor of the city has been quelled. The barbarians are not only at the gate, they're sitting in the seats of power, dismantling any semblance of economic security and equality the vast proportion of United States citizens had just over 20 years ago. It's not going to stop, either, until the people stop believing the "Great Conservative Lie." The way I see it, either we work together and provide a minimum standard of living for everyone that brings a modicum of dignity and self-respect or we give it all to the rich and let them tell us what to do when and how, and live our lives as a pathetic adjunct to them. The wealthy are NOT looking out for our interests. Unions were formed in this realization in the early part of the last century. The rich fought them tooth and nail. Now the powers that be are slowly dismantling the unions and the union ideal to take back the wealth "stolen" from them by the people. Think about it.

Vote Democratic!

Thursday, April 8, 2004
(11:04 am)

Another trip to the orthopedist today. Same old, same old. Got a lawyer yesterday. Also got our eviction notice -- June first we have to be gone. Went out looking for houses yesterday. Nothing popped out immediately.

Quote of the Day: "Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves." -- Albert Einstein

Only a few more Einstein quotes to go. What was that? A great collective sigh of relief? Well! Okay, just for that I'm going to see if I can find more. . .

Easter Sunday, April 11, 2004
(12:10 pm)

Happy Easter (Eoster, or however you spell or pronounce or observe it).

Quote of the Day: "Politics is a pendulum whose swings between anarchy and tyranny are fueled by perpetually rejuvenated illusions." -- Albert Einstein

Since I missed writing anything here Friday or Saturday, I thought I might include a longer quote from the Maestro. Yes, I found enough to take us well into summer. . .

Bonus Quote of the Day: "In our time the military mentality is still more dangerous than formerly because the offensive weapons have become much more powerful than the defensive ones. Therefore, it leads, by necessity, to preventive war. The general insecurity that goes hand in hand with this results in the sacrifice of the citizen's civil rights to the supposed welfare of the state. Political witch-hunting, controls of all sorts (e.g., control of teaching and research, of the press, and so forth) appear inevitable, and for this reason do not encounter that popular resistance, which, were it not for the military mentality, would provide protection. A reappraisal of all values gradually takes place insofar as everything that does not clearly serve the utopian ends is regarded and treated as inferior." -- Albert Einstein in "The Military Mentality"

Sound familiar? I think he was referring to Nazi Germany. Fascism is fascism no matter where it's found.

(5:50 pm)

This month started out great guns on my web site. In the first four days, I had over 2,000 hits. It was averaging 570 hits a day. Things have tapered off now to a mere 429 hits per day on average. I checked the statistics and found out that people from Canada, Netherlands, Italy, Japan, United Kingdom, Switzerland, France, Germany, Poland, Israel, Czech Republic, Belgium, Denmark, Spain, New Zealand (Aotearoa), Australia, Brazil, Estonia, Hungary, Romania, Seychelles, Sweden, Austria, and of course the United States have visited this site in the month of April, so far. Anyone have any idea what Aotearoa is? Having asked the question, I decided to Google it. Seems it's like Myanmar to Burma, Campuchea to Cambodia, Sri Lanka to Ceylon, Taiwan to Formosa.

Nice visit with the grandkids today.

Stitched strips of watercolor paper on watercolor paper, ink.
"Hash table"

Monday, April 12, 2004
(11:20 pm)

I love how people watch television, read newspapers and magazines, and listen to talk radio, having the conservative catechism imprinted on their brains, then they go about repeating it like they actually have an opinion about something. Faugh!

Quote of the Day: "Man tries to make for himself in the fashion that suits him best a simplified and intelligible picture of the world; he then tries to some extent to substitute this cosmos of his for the world of experience, and thus to overcome it. This is what the painter, the poet, the speculative philosopher, and the natural scientists do, each in his own fashion. Each makes this cosmos and its construction the pivot of his emotional life, in order to find in this way peace and security which he can not find in the narrow whirlpool of personal experience." -- Albert Einstein

I was briefly inspired by the ceiling at the Southern Kitchen. I did a couple pieces, started them actually, based on the color scheme and a variation on the seeming technique. If you're ever in town, check out their ceiling. It's interesting. I wonder if John Kerry noticed it when he ate there when he was in town? I wonder if he sat in the same booth I did? Actually, I think over the years I've pretty much sat in all of them, so my ass and the next president's have occupied the same space at some point in time.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004
(5:25 pm)

Until this week, every Saturday I got an e-mail from a list I subscribe to called "Classic Bizarre." A couple weeks ago I happened to notice that one of the local Rock Jocks (WMXR 100.9 FM) was reciting parts of this mailing on the air between 5:30 and 6:00 PM. He neglected to attribute the source. Well, dude, you're busted! Now all the locals know where you get your material. This week, they started sending out the e-mail twice a week. I expect we'll hear this bit about odd laws of Pennsylvania either today between 5:30 and six or tomorrow, same time, same bat-channel:

  It is contrary to Pennsylvania law to discharge a gun, cannon,revolver or other explosive weapon at a wedding.

  Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue.

  A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.

  Dynamite is not to be used to catch fish.

Quote of the Day: "The ideals which have always shone before me and filled me with the joy of living are goodness, beauty, and truth. To make a goal of comfort or happiness has never appealed to me; a system of ethics built on this basis would be sufficient only for a herd of cattle." -- Albert Einstein

I heard or read somewhere that someone is performing an experiment which they expect the results of to contradict part of Einstein's theory of relativity. It is just now possible to perform the experiment and to measure the results accurately enough to validate or debunk his calculations. It will be interesting to see the result.

Speaking of great minds, tomorrow at West Virginia State University the author of A Beautiful Mind, Julia Nasar, will be delivering a convocation and addressing the abnormal psychology class. I plan on being there for at least one of the events. I find John Nash fascinating. I bought the DVD of the movie. I thought Russell Crowe brilliant in his portrayal of Nash. He had his mannerisms down pat. Great film. Great actor. Great subject. Great man.

Thursday, April 15, 2004
(4:23 pm)

Quote of the Day: "The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax." -- Albert Einstein

Friday, April 16, 2004
(3:51 pm)

It's a fantastically beautiful day outside. I should be out and about, but I'm too depressed to do much of anything. It's a friggin' miracle I'm even writing this here.

My friend Jack Trail is at home recuperating from a hip replacement. The one he had 12 years ago had been bothering him for some time. I hope this operation remedies the problem. Get well and back on your feet soon, Jack.

Looking for a place to rent sucks. We've looked all over town, burned up a tank of gas (18 gal. @ $1.89 per) and still nothing. We're now considering living in places we'd never consider before. I hate this.

Quote of the Day: "In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep." -- Albert Einstein

(6:28 pm)

Still no call backs about living accommodations. It's starting to look like we'll have to put a bunch of stuff in a yard sale and more in storage and move into an apartment somewhere. I really don't want to do that. We've lived in houses or townhouses for 22 years. Re-adapting to apartment living would be cruel.

I've always been on the periphery of things, never on the "inside." I've always been skirting the fringes of society. Now it seems like, to me, that society is pushing me further out, further down. The price of everything, except me, goes up. My stock is bust.

Bonus Quote of the Day: "I'm a loser. Why don't you kill me?" -- Beck

Saturday, April 17, 2004
(12:32 pm)

A high in the mid 80's today. Normally I'd be outside puttering in the garden and flower beds, but since we're moving soon, why bother? I don't really even want to mow the grass when it gets high.

Quote of the Day: "The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead." -- Albert Einstein

Nothing to do. Nothing I want to do. Nothing on TV. Nothing up my sleeve. Nothing between my ears. . .

. . . and I sit and stare at the screen. . .

Monday, April 19, 2004
(9:43 am)

The roofers are here to work on the roof of the shed out back. Lovely. I'd planned on washing the van today. I guess that will either have to wait or I'll have to do it at the awash.

We looked at a couple houses yesterday, one on the west side, one in Dunbar. They're both too small. I think we may have to take some tools to our budget and aim a little higher. The housing in our price range is either too small or too scuzzy. . . or both.

Quote of the Day: "I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones." -- Albert Einstein

Got the oil changed in the van yesterday. I think it needs new valve seals, rings, main seals, probably cleaned or new lifters. It runs good, but occasionally it smokes like a freight train. Not good. We'd never be allowed to run it on the highways of California.

There was an article in the paper this morning about the cost of eating right. In certain ways I'd love to have the house we looked at in Dunbar just for the fact that it has room for a considerable garden. We could save an appreciable amount by growing and canning vegetables. I think meat is going to be a smaller proportion of our diet from now on. Chicken and fish have become pretty expensive. We can get a pound of frozen salmon steaks for $2.99 at Sav-A-Lot, but salmon gets old if you eat it all the time. Chicken prices are out of reason, other than for leg quarters which we don't normally eat and which, incidentally, contain more fat than breasts. I think from this point, our lives are going to be a lot more quantitatively-oriented than quality-mined.

Anyone want to buy a David Lee painting? I have it on good authority that paintings of his of this size (full sheet) from this time period (1978) usually sell for between $9,000 and $13,000. It's a humming bird feeding on an orchid among bamboo. Lovely piece. E-mail me with an offer. I hope I get it. You never know with all the SPAM. My mailbox might be full, the filter might mistake it for SPAM, or I might overlook it in the 300-1 ratio of SPAM to real e-mail that I get on a daily basis. Something has to be done about all this SPAM. It's to the point where e-mail is more of a problem than a tool. That's not right.

Tuesday, April 20, 2004
(8:25 am)

I'm sitting here with headset on, plugged into the telephone waiting to talk to a Charter technical representative. I started up the computer last night to check my e-mail before going to bed. I do this to keep ahead of the unsolicited commercial junk that inundates my mailbox. Well, the modem couldn't connect to the network. I figured it would right itself by morning so I just went to bed. Wrong! The crap keeps piling up. . . Just got off the phone, Charter's motto ringing in my ear, "We're aware of the problem and we're working on it." That's admirable that they have a hint as to what's wrong and are trying to fix it, but that doesn't stop my mailbox from overflowing. It seems like a cable company should be overseen and regulated by the Public Service Commission (or Public Utilities Board or whatever the regulatory body is call in your locale) and should be required to provide the same quality of service as the phone company. My telephone has only been out due to the phone company's fault once in 25 years. There seems to be some sort of cable problem on an almost weekly basis. I'm sorry, but cable has been around long enough to have these glitches ironed out.

Quote of the Day: "A human being is part of the whole, called by us 'Universe,' a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest - a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole nature in its beauty. Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving for such achievement is in itself a part of the liberation, and a foundation for inner security." -- Albert Einstein

To me, the above quote is the quintessential quote from Albert Einstein. It could as easily have said "-- Gotama Siddhartha (Buddha)" at the end. That simple paragraph is the essence of Buddhism in a nutshell. We should all take it to heart and meditate on it every waking moment.

It must be that since I can't dig through my e-mail I'm writing to use the same amount of time and energy. Imagine what I could write or do if I didn't have to spend that time weeding through hundreds of messages that I don't want to see.

The roofers started working on the outbuilding yesterday. I think I just heard them put the ladder back up. It's supposed to rain today, so they're trying to get the bare wood covered somehow this morning before the deluge begins again. I probably should try to mow the grass too, but I'm not going to.

I washed the van yesterday, using the Mr. Clean carwash thingie. It really works. I think the cost of the soap and filters is too high, but it does save an appreciable amount of time. I screwed up and didn't do it exactly right and still came out with an acceptable outcome.

This is getting out of hand, huh? Here's another piece from my upcoming book (still no word on when or any details):

Collage, India Ink.  4 X 6 on rag illustration board

I talked to a dear old friend for a while yesterday. We call each other about every two years if our paths don't cross. They've not been crossing much in the past decade. It was good to hear from her. Her number was on my caller ID box when we got home from our house hunt on Sunday. I'd tried to call back then, but there was no answer. I tried again yesterday morning and, to my delight, she was home. We share a lot of experiences and attitudes/opinions about things. It's good to have someone like that to talk to.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004
(10:34 am)

Well, the SPAM and television have done their worst. I'm bleary and uninspired to write anything today.

Quote of the Day: "All religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree. All these aspirations are directed toward ennobling man's life, lifting it from the sphere of mere physical existence and leading the individual towards freedom." -- Albert Einstein

I just upgraded my text editor and got my ability to scroll witht the mouse wheel back. I'm so thrilled! It takes so little to make me happy. . .

We're getting more reasonable contacts as far as a place to move. We'll probably go look at one this afternoon. The neighborhood looks okay, a little hilly, a few too many kids roaming around, and parking looks to be on-street, but we'll give it a shot. Powerball drawing is tonight. Maybe I'll win the $90 Million and won't have to be all that concerned about it. I hear France is nice this time of year.

Speaking of winning the lottery, I used to have all these lofty ideas about what I'd do with a lot of money. Now I just think I'll take it as it comes. Of course I'll provide well for my kids and grandchildren, but beyond that I'll have to take a deep look at any charity or enterprise I put money into. I'll sure I'll have certain philanthropic and altrusitic impulses, but with a couple stiff drinks and a few deep breaths, they'll probably pass. . . If they don't, then I'll do some serious study on the matter and probably write a check, establish a trust, or load a truck with goods and be on with it.

I haven't heard anything from my lawyer since I was in his office. I sent him photographs of the accident site, and he sent me letters requesting records from the hospital. I don't know that he has my doctor's records or physical therapist or insurance records. Of course, he's running for the Legislature, so he's probably busy. I'm only a little concerned because the two-year deadline for filing a suit (if necessary) is coming up the latter part of July. **breathe deep**

To the list of countries from which I have had web site hits this month, add: Norway, Saudi Arabia, Mexico, Turkey, Malaysia, United Arab Emirates, and Columbia. That makes 31 accounted for and a couple others the statistical program doesn't list (it only lists the top 30, and there have been 39 distinct references. However some of those are things like "non-profit, US Commercial, Network, US Educational, and US Government, so I can only extrapolate the 31 so far listed.). I'm sure you're all keenly interested in this. . .

Thursday, April 22, 2004
(10:34 am)

I got a new program, recommended by a friend, called Frontgate MX. It's a SPAM filter and it looks like it's going to be quite servicable. Instead of the usual three or four hundred e-mails I get first thing in the morning, I got eight. Not eight hundred, just eight! Whooooooeeeeee!

I smell something that smells like hot electronics. Oh man. . .

Tomorrow I have a "recorded" interview with an insurance adjustor at my lawyer's office. I so look forward to that. . . </sarcasm>. (that's a techie reference for all who understand a little about HTML)

Quote of the Day: "Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." -- Albert Einstein

I guess that makes me "special," huh?

It's raining again. Man, what a spring! At least the nearly everyday rain keeps the pollen washed away. While driving along the Boulevard yesterday, I noticed "pollen drifts" along the edge of the street, balled up against the curb. Thank goodness for Benadryl® and Claritin®.

Saturday, April 24, 2004
(2:57 am)

I ran the sound at the Empty Glass tonight. Two bands, one from Richmond, VA, The Deviltones, and a local band called The Pistol Whippers. Hard, fast and fun The Glass was hot tonight. I think I lost four pounds by sweating. The stage was worse. Those guys might be as much as 10 pounds lighter. Or not -- the beer bottles were thick after the show.

Quote of the Day: "The devil has put a penalty on all things we enjoy in life. Either we suffer in health or we suffer in soul or we get fat." -- Albert Einstein

I feel the urge to get on a stage and play sometimes. Maybe one of these nights I'll sit in with a band and do a number or two. I think that might be fun. Sean wasn't with me tonight, so I did the bulk fo the work myself. Ann came up, but mostly to listen, although she was gracious enough to fetch drinks for me a couple times.

Time for bed. . .

(11:22 am)

After having gone to bed a little after three this morning, and finally getting to sleep 45 minutes to an hour later, the roofers showed up at 8:30 this morning. Damn! I'll have to try to take a late afternoon/early evening nap so I can do it again tonight.

Sunday, April 25, 2004
(3:26 pm)

Okay, both bands last night were from the DC area and both were excellent. The first group, MacGregor, may not be to everyone's taste, but they did a fantastic, albeit short, set of what can only be called hip-funk with a Mothers of Invention flavor. The bass player and his twin brother on guitar dished out some riffs and raps that only two people who share the same DMV photo could possibly do. If you get a chance check these guys out. I'm sure they're going places.

The main event last night was BoogieHawg. I can't say I care for the name, and in my not-so-humble opinion it really doesn't fit. On the other hand if I waxed enthusiastic about the opening act, that is pale in comparison to my opinion of these guys. A five piece high-energy funk-rock ensemble with solid roots in jazz and Latin beats. The singer/bass player is an adept leader and the other band members work together like the ivy-league crew champs. Few, if any, misplaced notes. Everything worked together. It all meshed and came out of the speakers a polished composition, yet still retaining an edge that commanded interest if not some manner of participation. Great band. I hope to hear them again. . . soon!

Quote of the Day: "It was, of course, a lie what you read about my religious convictions, a lie which is being systematically repeated. I do not believe in a personal God and I have never denied this but have expressed it clearly. If something is in me which can be called religious then it is the unbounded admiration for the structure of the world so far as our science can reveal it."
-- Albert Einstein

My interview with the insurance adjuster went okay, I guess. Since Thursday, my mind has been on my injury quite a lot. The past three days I've awoke to a lot of pain and stiffness. I'm supposed to be getting a check soon so I can have more therapy done. I don't know whether I should ask Dr. Ede or just strike out on my own and have it done. Probably best I talk to the doctor first.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004
(11:11 pm)

The weather is freaky today. I took Ann to Morgantown for a meeting this morning. She called from the hotel this evening. She said they were experiencing a mixture of snow and sleet accompanied by thunder and lightning. On the way back, the wind was fierce. There was a van with a rather large trailer on its top facing the wrong way on the northbound lane of the freeway. The television weather talking head said the winds were up to 50 MPH here in town today. I'm sure they were harder up on the tops of some of the ridges along the interstate. Whew! It was a wild ride.

I was concerned about the van on a three hundred mile trip, but it did just fine. If my mental calculations are correct, I think I got about 18 or 19 miles per gallon. Not bad for a vehicle with nearly 160,000 miles on it.

Quote of the Day: "The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible." -- Albert Einstein

Sean stayed at the house today and packed up most of the books in the library and a few other things around the house. I really wish he'd gotten more boxes and managed a few more things in them. I packed about a dozen boxes this evening while watching the Tampa Bay Lightning beat the Montreal Canadiens in overtime. Tampa Bay leads the series 3-0 now. It will be hard, if not impossible, for the Habs to come back and win this series. The finals pairing in the east will probably be Tampa Bay and Philadelphia. In the West, San Jose and Detroit will be the likely finalists. I predict a Stanley Cup final series between Tampa Bay and San Jose with San Jose taking the cup in seven games, with at least two going into multiple overtimes. How's that for brave?

Thursday, April 29, 2004
(10:20 am)

(I'm borrowing part of today's entry from an e-mail I sent to a dear friend.)

Out looking for places to live again yesterday. It's amazing the pieces of shit people are willing to rent for 500 to 700 dollars a month. It's also amazing how many young MBAstards are buying up property, barely making it livable and demanding sterling credit and rental history to have the privilege of renting their dilapidated property. Unfortunately we have neither sterling credit nor rental history. Am I sounding bitter? Sorry, but I am to a large degree, and the stress level is surely eating away at my intestines, constricting my heart and arterial network, and rotting my brain.

Since I've been running sound for some bands at the Empty Glass starting last fall on a fill-in basis, I've been drinking a lot more. I rarely have more than three drinks a day, but the days I have drinks are closer together lately. I've been spending a major portion of what I make running sound for booze, and when I'm working my bar tab is free. Incentive, I guess they call it. So far I wait until after dark to take a sip. I do think about it sometimes in mid-afternoon, especially when looking at houses that smell of chemicals, roaches, old urine, mildew, and general rot.

I feel angry and frustrated enough to create some good art, but unfortunately a lot of my studio is packed and space is constricted by stacked boxes. I need more boxes. I'll have to wake Sean earlier than he'd like to go dumpster diving behind the dollar store.

Am I rambling? You bet!

Quote of the Day: "Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value." -- Albert Einstein

(9:05 pm)

Sean managed to get up around one o'clock today, but it wasn't his idea. The insurance adjuster "dropped by" to take a photo of my scar and the back of the house. We were talking and I guess that and the noise of the roofers woke him. Didn't get more boxes. I did however get pissed at the roofers for having me move my van up -- it was already out of the way. I think they get extra pay to irritate me. Why they weren't here at eight this morning I have no idea. It seems like they show up whenever they feel like it and leave on the same schedule. I got pissed at Sean, too. I'm so stressed I can barely breathe.

Ann's working for the next several nights, so house hunting is probably off until next Tuesday. Gawd, I hate this.

Friday, April 30, 2004
(10:14 am)

Yesterday was not a good day. I felt so much tension I could barely function even on a base level. I did manage to avoid causing any traffic accidents, mostly by staying off the streets as much as possible. I scarfed down a Klondike bar and an ice cream sandwich after dinner. Sean worked overnight at the convenience store, so he's off at his girlfriend's house sleeping, I'd imagine. No help today, so little will get done.

Quote of the Day: "The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed." -- Albert Einstein

Some of my thoughts about the 9/11 hearings and the
(P)Resident's and Vice (P)Resident's "participation:

Testimony, being the official lie, passes into collective memory and eventually becomes the premise on which so much is based -- a foundation made of sand.

If you can act with complete assurance that what you are doing is right, then you have limited yourself to an extent that precludes intelligent analysis or courage. To act with confidence even in the face of doubt requires both intelligence and moral courage.

The insurance adjuster yesterday took photographs (hopefully -- the digital camera she was using was unfamiliar and the quality of the LED display seemed to be poor) of the scar on my leg and of the house. I suppose the photos I provided of the steps out back weren't "official" so she had to do it herself. Either that, or she was hoping to catch me doing cartwheels in the driveway or clogging in the foyer. You'll have to pardon my cynicism, but I feel the way about insurance companies the way most people feel about lawyers. The adjuster assigned to my case seems nice enough, but I realize it's her job to save the company money. And it's my job to thwart her efforts, right?

One of my favorite quotes of all time: "You have not converted a man because you have silenced him." -- John Lord Morley

(1:52 pm)

As of the last update sometime this morning, probably through midnight, there have been 14,901 hits on this web site in the month of April, with one day to go. It's sure to go over 15,000 setting a new high. Thirty-seven countries heard from. I should feel elated, but what I feel is a mild pride of accomplishment. I guess my general bad mood slops over onto every part of my existence.

Not too many visuals on this journal page this month so far. Here's something new:

From our (former) front garden
"Farewell Gift"

Total Hits for April 2004: 15,430

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