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August 1, 2001     (Wednesday)

Offline Entry: The first day of August sees my web page down again. I've received no notice of any of these outages from anyone. I got one e-mail ostensibly from the group taking over the operation of the servers from Big Picture Technologies. It was vague at best. So far my mail seems to work okay. I guess my acquisition of a new hosting service will now have to take priority. It's hard to decide on which service to go with. So many are new companies, and those that aren't charge much more than I can afford to pay.

To be continued. . .

August 2, 2001     (Thursday)

Is it any wonder I get depressed? My web page troubles continue. The USPS can't seem to deliver my mail correctly. I've filled out two customer response cards, called five times, went down to the carrier annex twice, and now I think I'm going to have to go talk to the Postmaster. UPS lost a shipment of mine last year, too, so I don't feel comfortable sending or receiving things through them. I guess FedEx is an option. Personally, I'm FedUp.

My bank announced yesterday that it's going to start charging a dollar for every ATM transaction on machines that it doesn't own. So if the bank that owns the machine charges a buck fifty and my bank charges a buck, that's two dollars and a half. What about when we go on vacation and there aren't any City National Bank ATM's anywhere? I know two or three dollars doesn't seem like much, but it can add up. Banks are among the biggest thieves out there, and for them it's entirely legal because they own the legislative process that approves the rules under which they operate and they control the regulatory process that assures adherence to those rules. The trouble is, in this Monopoly Economy, with all the little banks being swallowed up by the bigger interstate banks, that one is pretty much as bad as another. And like the rest of society, banks prey on those least able to afford it.

It's getting hotter already and it's not even 10 AM yet. It's supposed to be a scorcher today. I was looking forward to getting out with my camera, but now it looks like if I go anywhere it will have to be in the air-conditioned comfort of my car; not much exercise or photographic opportunitites like that!

Quote of the Day: "If there is a sin against life, it lies perhaps less in despairing of it than in hoping for another and evading the implacable grandeur of the one we have." -- Albert Camus

Just a sketch made with who-knows-which graphics program.
"Are There Ghosts of Lesser Beings?"

A pretty young lady I saw outside the Ponderosa in Laporte, Indiana.  I just had to take her picture.
"Indiana Girls Are Pretty"

August 3, 2001     (Friday)

Quote of the Day: "The secret of the magic of life consists in using action in order to attain non-action. One must not wish to leap over everything and penetrate directly." -- Lu Yen (800 CE)

Light is only light compared to darkness.  Without hate one cannot know love. . . (C-036-x)

August 4, 2001     (Saturday)

Well, my main web site is still down. I'm either going to have to do something about it soon or change my business cards, stationery, and e-mail signature. This sucks!

Quote of the Day: "Loyalty to petrified opinions never broke a chain or freed a human soul and it never will" -- Samuel Clemmens (Mark Twain)

"Pattern Memory"

August 5, 2001     (Sunday)

Another three days and I get to be sedated while some doctor I don't know sticks a miniature video camera up my wazoo. I do so look forward to that. . .

Quote of the Day: "All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsions, habit, reason, passion, desire." -- Aristotle (384-322 BCE)

Contrarily, "Desire and force between them are responsible for all our actions; desire causes our voluntary acts, force our involuntary." -- Blaise Pascal (1623-1662)

In Xanadu did Kublai Khan a stately pleasure dome decree, where Aleph the sacred river ran, through caverns measureless to man. . .
"Down to a Shining Sea"

August 6, 2001     (Monday)

Last night late, my regular web page was back. This morning it's gone again. At any rate, even if it is back on a sporadic basis, I still can't access it via FTP so the diary page there is a trip back in time to last month. I guess I'm losing credibility with every day this untenable situation goes on. There's almost no point in continuing.

Quote of the Day: "We are here to seek our purpose and strive to achieve it. Anything less is a waste of existence. " -- James O. Berkland

A juxtaposition of natural and man-made, light and shadow, hard and soft.(C-046-e7)

Well, it looks like it's over, at least for now. I can't come up with the money to get a reliable web hosting service with the requirements I need to continue this project. This will be my final diary entry. You can come back, check in sometimes, but this part of my life is pretty much over. Now that I think about it, this is about my only creative outlet. What a loser!

The End

August 7, 2001     (Tuesday)

No Entry Today

August 8, 2001     (Wednesday)

Well, it's back. My web site is once more among the living. I don't know what I'm going to do. This up and down crap is stressing me out.

I had a colonoscopy today -- my third. Everything is okay. I get to do it again in three years. Seems like I get it in the ass every time I turn around.

Quote of the Day: "I can't go back to yesterday, because I was a different person then. " -- Lewis Carroll

The sun going down in Ohio across the river from Huntington (C-039-e7)
"Sunset (Ohio River)"

I'll keep a mirror of this page going on my Charter site.

I'd like to thank those of you who've stuck with me through all this. I don't know exactly what the future holds for this page, but I'll keep banging my head against the wall as long as you appreciate the blood spatters on the bricks.

August 9, 2001     (Thursday)

Happy Birthday Angie. Happy Birthday Judy.

Quote of the Day: "When a man dwells on the objects of sense, he creates attraction for them; attraction develops into desire, and desire breeds anger." -- Bhagavad Gita (c. 400 BCE)

In an alley, I see desolation, lying in the clay from which the artist creates beauty. (C-048-e7)

August 10, 2001     (Friday)

Nine AM and my web page server is down again, or something. All I know is my web page is not available again today. This is getting very irritating.

Expounding on the quote for yesterday: This Hindu concept is one of the ones that was appropriated whole and expanded upon by Buddha. It forms the basis for Pratitya Samutpada, the chain of interdependent origination. Once an attachment is made to an object of the senses, desire is formed. From desire we can derive not only anger, but fear, love, and obsession. The way to enlightenment is to forsake desire, then attachment. Once all attachments are released, including the attachment to enlightenment, then the individual atman, or soul, can attain the highest state of being. But that's not right either, as this state of being is innate in all of us and cannot be attained, but can only be. Only through perfect inaction is perfect action possible.

Layer upon layer, desire upon desire, belief upon belief, our illusions are built, like a fine tapestry, beautiful, but deceptive all the same.  (C-048-e7)

Quote of the Day: "Gaté, gaté, paragaté, parasamgaté. Bodhi, svaha! (Gone, gone, gone beyond, gone beyond beyond. Wisdom, Aha!" -- Gotama Siddhartha (Buddha), the Pragna-paramita sutra (c. 500 BCE)

So, see, my irritation and stress at my web page being down is due to my attachment to it. It's a case of mind over matter. If I didn't mind, it wouldn't matter.

The concept of Pratitya-Samutpada and the meaning of Dharma are subjects I could discuss for days. I suppose that means I am overly attached to them as well, so in order to become a Great Mind, I must release this attachment as well. Or perhaps it's not so much an attachment as an enjoyment. Enjoyment can be experienced without attachment. As Buddha says, "Non-attachment brings bliss." Don't call me on the exact wording or inquire as to the source of this quote because I don't honestly know. It's more a paraphrase than a literal quote. It's the idea not the phrasing, the spirit, not the letter of the law.

August 11, 2001     (Saturday)

Anybody want to rent a large studio for me and buy lots of storage cabinets, easels, and supplies? Didn't think so. . .

Quote of the Day: "Force never moves in a straight line, but always in a curve vast as the universe, and therefore eventually returns whence it issued forth, but upon a higher arc, for the universe has progressed since it started." -- Kabbalah

Only you. . .  (C-048-e7)
"This Way Out"

August 12, 2001     (Sunday)

The Sunday paper always gives me lots to think about and sometimes write about here. Today there were several articles and columns that concern me: everything from strip malls to strip mining, consumer capitalism to software monopolies. the world trade organization to shopping as the second in a top ten of attractions to Charleston.

The Official Visitors Guide to the Charleston Area was in the paper today. It should have been labeled "Advertisement" for most of the paper and ink were devoted to promoting businesses.

The Top Ten Things To Do In The Charleston Area was a real jolt!

  1. Explore the State Capitol Complex
  2. Shop 'Til You Drop
  3. Explore Nature
  4. The Internationally Popular Mountain Stage
  5. Tri-State Racetrack and Gaming Center
  6. South Charleston
  7. Visit Historic Malden
  8. Support the Charleston Alley Cats
  9. Enjoy the Arts
  10. Board the P.A. Denny

Note that the number two spot is held by shopping. The shopping opportunities here are not impressive to anyone who has been to any city in this country with a population of more than 500,000 people. Touting shopping as the second in a list of things to do is ludicrous! The truth be known, there's not really a lot to do here for tourist and convention attendees. I suppose shopping would be an attraction for people attending a convention for the far-away climes of some place like Podunk, Iowa or Mud Suck, Wyoming, but for a resident of Cincinnati or Pittsburgh or anywhere else with a major population within an hour's drive, shopping here would prove to be very disappointing.

There are lists of businesses in the area, inclusion on said lists probably bought and paid for. There are only five banks listed. Granted there have been plenty of mergers and takeovers, greatly reducing the number of bank names in the area, but conspicuously missing from the list are banks like City National, Wesbanco, and National Bank of Commerce, to mention a few. In all the listings and descriptions of businesses, places, and activities, nowhere save in obvious ads is there a world wide web address listed for anything. Under "attractions and things to do" they've omitted two of the things I like best about this city: the boulevard walkway, and the old carriage trail (See The Tour -- August 2000). This guide was obviously put together by someone who has no real appreciation of what this area has to offer. Of course, this area really has very little to commend it to anyone who has ever been anywhere else.

Quote of the Day: "Perfection -- An imaginary state. . . distinguished from the actual by an element known as excellence." -- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?), The Devil's Dictionary

Not Champagne, but French. . . (C-018-x)
"Dead Soldier on a Field of Lace"

August 13, 2001     (Monday)

Over the past year I've posted in these pages almost 250 photographs that I've taken. Some are intended as art, some as documentation of my life and times. That's a lot of photographs, but it's nowhere near the number I have scanned (Around 1300, including various versions, crops and alterations) and a small percentage of what I've taken. Still, I have trouble lately deciding on a photograph to put here with my commentary. I'm not sure why this is the case, since I have a lot of photos waiting their turn. I guess it's just my discriminatory facility passing judgement on my work and deeming most of what I've done not worth sharing with the rest of the world.

Quote of the Day: "God is a circle whose center is everywhere, and its circumference nowhere" -- Empedocles (495-435 BCE)

Sun and shadow on hot pavement, stairs to essentially nowhere (B-001-x)
"Dichotomy Becomes Enigma"

August 14, 2001     (Tuesday)

Quote of the Day: "The rich will do anything for the poor but get off their backs" -- Karl Marx

Describing desolation. . . (C-047-x)
"One of a Set"

Happy Birthday, Mom.

August 15, 2001     (Wednesday)

I don't get a lot done these days, or so it seems to me. It feels like I just lounge around all day, being stressed out, not accomplishing much. I did manage to clean and reseal a drawing, take the broken glass out of the frame of another, and do a little utility painting and cleaning and the like. It just doesn't feel like enough. And we won't even talk about the lack of energy. . .

This is drawing I cleaned and resealed (I scanned it while I had it out of the frame). It's pastel on manila drawing stock (1984):

A gift for my wife.  Our son was 2, we'd been married 4 years.  Now it's 19 and 21 respectively.

Quote of the Day: "If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention." -- E-mail signature line.

I realized today that I really haven't posted too many of the photographs I took on the Indiana/Chicago trip around the first of July. Here's the sun going down, with Chicago across the lake.

Don't let the sun go down on me. . .

August 16, 2001     (Thursday)

I'm sure I've mentioned Asemics a time or two before, and put examples of my work in that area here for your viewing enjoyment. I don't know who came up with the concept or the name for it, but I've been doing asemic writing/drawing/scribbling for years. I don't know the rationale behind the work other people are doing, but here's my take on the form:

In China the writing is an artform unto itself. It can even be a magical thing. Grass script is a beautiful thing. Master calligraphers are accorded the same respect as painters and other fine artists. Arabic script is a highly-evolved artform as well. It's when we get to Roman alphabets that things start to lose something. Roman letters were designed to be carved in stone. They look good gilded with a bevel edge, but calligraphic variation doesn't quite have the artistic line and form of Chinese ideograms or Arabic script with flourishes. Sure, there are different fonts for the Roman alphabet and they can be used to good effect, and while a beautiful hand can be quite attractive, what people see first is the word and the first thing thought of is its symbolic meaning. Roman alphabets are left-brained.

In my poetry and painting, I've tried to obscure 'words' and rely on their shape, form and sound to convey artistic meaning, not literary or literal meaning. With my asemic paintings and drawings I've gone a step further. It's kind of like the Pentacostal Christian speaking in tongues. To most people it's just gibberish, but to a believer, to someone caught up in the spiritual and emotional high of the moment, it's beautiful, profound, and deeply meaningful. My ascemics are intended to convey the form of handwriting, but not the literalness of it. Its meaning is visual, not symbolic. Writing is just a way of putting sound on paper, storing it in a form that can be retrieved by anyone understanding the symbols used. Asemic writing has no impetus in sound, only in form.

When I do an asemic piece, I establish 'rules' as to how I am to create it. These rules are fairly arbitrary, and can be bent, broken, or changed in midstream to accomodate the art. Still, the rules are as necessary as those we use to form individual letters in normal handwriting, for without them there would be mere chaos. While my asemics might sometimes seem entirely random, let me assure you, this is not the case. With each set I do, with every individual piece sometimes, I establish my own sets of symbols and relationships between the elements of the whole, and follow that through to completion. If a part doesn't work, it gets changed on the next iteration. If the pieces start all looking alike, I reevaluate my contexts and procedures.

I also study other people's take on asemics. I think mine is fairly unique. Mostly I use others work to guide me away from what I consider to be bad directions. Occasionally I find someone who seems to have a true 'vision' in asemics and my own resolve to continue in this vein is steeled.

Here's a recent piece I did, using Paint Shop Pro or maybe Photoshop:

I should start numbering or naming these things.  I really should.

Quote of the Day: "Anything anybody can say about America is true." -- Emmett Grogan

On the beach at the Dunes National Park, Indiana  (C-042-e7)
"Remnants of a Simpler Time"

August 17, 2001     (Friday)

Quote of the Day: "I photograph what I do not wish to paint and I paint what I cannot photograph. " -- Man Ray

This is George and Diane McCoy's granddaughter, Kayla hiding behind one of those blowpipe balloon maker thingies I used to love to play with when I was a kid.  (C-041-x)
"Expansion of the Universe"

This is the age of capitalism. I suppose I should just get over it and realize I was born in the wrong time for my nature and/or personality. I'm so sad.

August 18, 2001     (Saturday)

A windy day at the Michigan City, Indiana Beach (C-041-x)
"Earth and Air"

I try to think of ways to market myself, ways to share my vision with the world in ways that would garner me fungible return. I see all kinds of creative people who hit upon a way to make money with their artistic endeavors, but it tends to consume them. Not that I have much in the way of respect for or appreciation of Roy Clark as a musician, but he once said that he was getting very wealthy, but he didn't have the time to play music anymore, meaning that he was doing carbon copies of the things that had been sucessful in the past because that's what people expected of him and going forward, creating something new was not possible without relinquishing the cash flow that he'd come to expect.

I know in the art world, too, artists are expected to attend parties, be seen at other artists' opening and the like, and once a modicum of sucess visits them the demands on their time become greater and greater to the point where art is secondary to "being an artist."

I don't want that. I want to be like Cézanne, sequestered away creating art, following my vision, not to be bothered with socializing except on my terms and schedule. It looks to be a case of mutual exclusivity. I can be a sucessful or I can be an artist, but not both.

Quote of the Day: "Accustomed to the veneer of noise, to the shibboleths of promotion, public relations and market research, society is suspicious of those who value silence." -- John Lahr

August 19, 2001     (Sunday)

This is the last entry here. This project is concluded. My web page will probably disappear very shortly. I just don't currently have the wherewithal to continue it. It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to try.


Friday, August 24, 2001
(1:43 pm)

NOTE (24 August 2001): This page is obsolete. My current web project is online at Any information here is archival in nature and will not be updated in any meaningful way. Feel free to look around, however.

NOTE: (12Feb02) The project continues, although in altered form. This is the crux where it went from the old form to the new. Pages have been altered to fit into the monthly format.

Friday, August 24, 2001
(10:45 AM)

Things have changed. My domain is homeless for the time being so I'll put anything I want on a 'web page' up here. This will, for the immediate future, be the main page of my itinerant web site. You may have noticed that some things have changed. Change may well become the only immutable thing from here on out.

Format changes: I've changed the date display to include the time. I may well include more than one entry per day. When there is no entry on any given day, that will be noted, but the notice will be removed on the occasion of the next subsequent entry. The title has changed. No longer My Diary, this page is now called, in case you hadn't noticed the large banner at the top, Ramblings. I will not keep the page according to month anymore. I'll continue entries until I think it takes too long to load, then I'll start fresh. I'll no longer have archives. I just don't have room for them. I'll keep archival copies should anyone want them for any reason. I'll also maintain archival copies of all my previous Diary pages as well. All text will be the consistent color you see before you. I call it "almost black." If text appears in a different color, it's either a link (most likely) or something in the text prior to it will explain why it's not "almost black." Unless you have "always underline links" specified in your browser setup, none of the links on this site are underlined until and unless you place the cursor over them. I tend to like to use color instead of underlines.

Content changes: I call it Ramblings because it will mainly be just that, ramblings about whatever I'm thinking at the time. I expect the page will become, in opposition to all creative advice from "experts", more abstract in nature instead of more concrete. But you never know. . . There will likely be fewer photographs and less art.

At some point I may convert this page entirely to PDF format so that it will be easier to archive the pages in a consistent format that can be easily distributed and handled by people not conversant with HTML and web page structure. The drawback to that will be huge file sizes. Just this simple page runs to over 100K in PDF format. I don't know how widely readable web archive pages (MHT format) are, but I can save the pages in that form and a ZIP file of that would take up slightly less space than the original files. Of course, the MHT file takes up roughly 25% more space, so I don't know what the best option would be. I'll just play it by ear. I may also (if a windfall is forthcoming) do some things in Flash format. That would, of course, be once I get my domain back up and functioning.

Attitude changes: I will not make as concerted an effort to put something up here every day. At some point I will try to put up a gallery in which to display some of my favorite art and photographs, but I'm not in any hurry. That is in the nebulous realm known as "the future." I'm also not going to be a stickler for leaving things "in situ" once they've been uploaded. If I see wording that would be better changed a couple weeks down the road, I'll go back and change it.

E-Mail changes: My email address for the foreseeable future will be You can also reach me at my old standby, although the reliability of that is somewhat sporadic since MAIL.COM took over the service. The Ramblings banner at the top of the page is also a link to send me e-mail.

(12:31 pm)

I've changed my guestbook/comment somewhat. I went through and deleted most of the "private" entries. I'd prefer if you feel the necessity to make an entry private that you just send me an e-mail instead. The comments should be for all to read. To that end, I've created an intermediate window to ask whether you want to send an e-mail or make a guesbook entry. Once I learn a little more Javascript, I'll make it all pretty seamless. As for now, bear (bare? Bayer? Bexar?) with me. I've altered the format somewhat, too. I'm thinking of adding some fields to ask each person making an entry some additional information. Like they say, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. In this case I'm using the hardship and humiliation to push my learning to a new level.

If you shop at Kroger or there's a Kroger available in your area, I've found some nice drinks. Big K brand sodas in big three liter bottles now come in Tamarind, Mango, Pineapple, and Strawberry flavors. The strawberry is a little too sweet, but the others are wonderful, especially the tamarind. I drank tamarind tea years ago and this is very reminiscent. My wife says it reminds her of sassafrass. Another find on the grocery front is Progresso's Hearty Tomato and Creamy Tomato soups. Excellent flavor (just eat with some stale French bread to dip in it) and only 1.5 grams of fat per serving. I didn't care for their Tomato Basil Bisque. It was a little overpowering, but with these two, they've got it down. If you're a fan of Black Beans (Turtle Beans, Frijoles Negros), try their Hearty Black Bean Soup, too. This has NOT been a paid commercial announcement.

(1:27 pm)

Okay, my site is back up again. The stress this is causing me is indescribable. If it was down completely I think I'd feel better about it. I'm going to put a note up at the end of the Diary project and one on the main page referring people here. If and when I can get the domain moved to another hosting service, I'm going to rethink the whole page. If I have the space, I'll put the old page up in its entirety as a historical record of what I've done here. It will involve some rearranging and it might be some time before I get it put back together.

Saturday, August 25, 2001
(10:53 am)

I've decided to play around with Javascript (it gives me something to do that doesn't really cost anything). If you'll notice, the scrollbar on this window is different. I don't know if the newer versions of Netscape show the change or not. I know versions 4.7 back don't. Actually, the change isn't due to Javascript. It's really a Cascading Style Sheet specification. That, I've been tinkering with for a while. Well, Javascript, too, if you count some of the active buttons and things I've done in the past. I've just decided to get a little more involved in it. If anything interesting comes of it, you'll be the first to know.

I never did understand how "supply and demand" was a law. I understand the prices of software even less. The price of a good graphics program is now more that a machine to run it on! The demand for such programs is fairly low compared to other types of programs. The supply is infinite (producition costs minimal), so therefore the price is astronomical? I don't get it. I think we've gone from "supply and demand" to "whatever I can get away with." The entire capitalist system, with the introduction of the Internet and advance telephony has changed to the Bill Gates/Mafia philosophy of business. The customer isn't always right. In fact, the customer is just an unpleasant part of the cash flow mechanism and must be dealt with only to separate him from said cash. Nothing is done anymore out of a passion for it, but merely quantified and formulized and a thin veneer of enthusiasm hastily glued on top so the poor dupes will be able to suspend disbelief and buy into the illusion that something worthwhile is being done and that the owners of an enterprise don't see dollar bills as their main product and focus. It's not only sad, it's sick.

(3:50 pm)

I went to a poetry slam today that was more a performance by an African Drum group than poetry. There were two poems read, one that someone picked off the Internet about geese and the other a page of rhyming couplets written by this fellow on the death of his mother. It wasn't much in the way of an event for poetry, but it was nice fellowship in a non-religious setting. I enjoyed myself.

Sunday, August 26, 2001
(12:26 am)

My site is down again! My e-mail went with it. If it wasn't so damned exhasperating, it would be funny.

I'm tinkering around with things on this page. Today (Saturday) I altered the scroll bar to nice chocolate colors. Now, I've changed the text colors and the banner graphic to match. I have a natural paper background or two around somewhere. Maybe I'll experiment with that as well.

(10:14 am) is back up again. It's interesting to note that since the hosting company went bankrupt (morally as well as fiscally) my pages on their servers have been down about as often as they were while Big Picture Online was running the show. Maybe they go down a little more often. Ironically, they come back up sooner and without intervention on my part.

Light and shadow, putting a nice face on something not so pretty.  C-037-e7
"Shade of Heaven"

Tuesday, August 28, 2001
(9:15 am) is gone again, my e-mail accounts and all. It's so frustrating. It's up. It's down. It's up, It's down. . . It's almost like someone has initiated a campaign to assure that the one area in my life where I've experienced a little success and from which I was deriving some amount of pleasure is destroyed. I hear from people nearly every day saying, "That must be frustrating." Well, yeah, it is -- more frustrating and stressful than you can imagine. Imagine, if you will, that one morning you show up at a small shop you own that sells ice cream. The electricity is off. You try calling the power company but all you get is a recording. For weeks, you get no response. All your ice cream has melted. Your customers have gone elsewhere. Finally you get a letter in the mail saying that the power company went out of business and the facilities are going to be maintained by an investment group until a long-term solution is in place. The power is back on. You restock. A few days later the power is gone again. Then it's back. Then it's gone. You try to get power from an alternative source, but your cash is gone from the ruined stock and you can't afford to pay the deposit required. You sell ice cream out of your kitchen at home. Sure a few people stop by, but it's not enough to maintain the business.

This page is like selling ice cream out of my kitchen.

(3:15 pm)

It's back! You know what I'm talking about. It's like this insane game the world is playing with me. Remember "Keep Away" when you were a kid? I hated that game.

Wednesday, August 29, 2001
(12:37 pm)

I think of profound and poetic things, but by the time I'm in a position to write them down, type them up on the computer, or speak in a slow, low voice into a tape recorder I've forgotten them altogether, or at least I've lost the phrasing that sounded so nice or made the intellectual argument substantive.

There are a lot of things bothering me right now, my web page difficulties, while still in the top ten, somewhat further down the list. The declining world economy tops the list. Everyone looks to all sorts of things trying to discover the reason for this, but they can't see the obvious. Billionaires! With such a great portion of the world's wealth being held by so few people, and so much of the population living in slavery, either to actual masters or in virtual slavery to poverty wages, is it any wonder that the overall economy is headed to the crapper? And what does our illustrious idiot president do? He totally ignores Keynsian gospel that the government should spend more in a recession, and pisses away the surplus that could have been used to buoy up the economy whilst doing good things for the population in general. But, had he done that, his cohorts wouldn't have been able to pile more money on top of what they now have, money that they couldn't possibly spend in a lifetime. Eat the Rich!

(5:50 pm)

Where has my passion gone? My focus? My alacrity? What happened to my imagination? I sit all day and stare at the computer screen or blank canvas or paper, or I putter around cleaning, rearranging, planning things as far as not having a specific goal will allow me to do. Or I take walks, watch movies, or sleep. I paint a little, draw some, glue things on paper, but it's all tinkering. I've not been able to tap into my vision or ride my passion for a long time now. I need to be swept away by forces I can't control, to feel the elation again of the power of creation surging through me like a high voltage circuit. But, alas, 'tis not to be, it seems, and I sit all day and stare. . .

Marcel Duchamp quit doing art for a long time. I don't remember if it was 12 or 20 years or longer. He played chess and taught French to ingenues in New York. He had an affair with Peggy Guggenheim. Eventually he came back to art and created new masterpieces. I've left art behind for years at a time during my life as well. I wonder if perhaps she has left me this time.

I sorted through old paintings and drawings and such today. I have two flat boxes full of pieces I think highly of, and some loose ones as well. My large envelope full of small-sized pieces that I care about sits in the floor across the room and looks all forlorn, each resident of it wanting to be under glass and on a wall for all to enjoy. My pencils, brushes, knives, and other weapons sit gathering dust.

(6:33 pm)

I'd like to apologize for the slow page loads on this site. Charter Communications (owned principally by Paul Allen, founding partner along with Bill Gates of Microsoft) either doesn't have the technicians and engineers to properly take care of their customer's web site servers or they don't consider them important enough to allocate the proper amount of resources to them. Either way, I consider it reprehensible, and I'd like to apologize to you, my reader(s?), on their and my behalf.

Thursday, August 30, 2001
(12:39 pm)

I don't remember my dreams. Oh, I get small swatches of them, mostly mundane little scenes that could take place in my waking world. I don't grasp the symbolism in them. There doesn't really seem to be any. At any rate, I only get a music-video quick cut and then it's fade to black. Two nights ago, the only thing I recall is someone happy to have gotten a box filled with free computer diskettes. Turned out it was the old 5-1/4 inch ones he had no use for. I had just thrown out a few hundred of those (according to dream memory). That was it. Nothing else. I don't even know who the person was. It might have been a former next-door neighbor of mine, but I couldn't really see his face. It might have been another friend. I don't know. Maybe it was my evil twin.

This links directly to my waking consciousness in a way, as I really had considered throwing out all my old 5-1/4 inch floppies. I have hundreds of them and they will probably never see the inside of a disk drive again. Most of them are old DOS, Commodore, CP/M, and UNIX programs diskettes, for which I have absolutely no use. Still, somehow I am loathe to discard them, even though I really could use the space in the cabinet they occupy. I've thrown away so much technology in the past. I guess I'm skittish about doing it again. It's not like most of it has any value to me. I just hate to buy something only to dump it once it is no longer useful. It all still works like it's supposed to (assuming the bits haven't fallen off and turned into virtual dust in the bottom of the cabinet), so it seems wasteful somehow to get rid of it. Oh, what the hell. . .

Quote of the Day: "The greatest danger before you is this: You live in an age when people would package and standardize your life for you-steal it from you and sell it back to you at a price. That price is very high." -- Granny D., activist, The Progressive Populist (June 15, 2001)

Along Virginia Street, there are many flowers (C-028-x)
"Purple Flags"

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